About Me

Hey everyone, my name is Kate Fitzgerald. I live in a small house in Rhode Island with my family: My mom Sara, my dad Brian, my brother Jesse, and my sister Anna. My life does sound pretty normal doesn't it? Well, that's not all true. Since I was about two years old I was diagnosed with Leukemia, a type of cancer. Also, my sister Anna is dead and I would do absolutely anything to bring her back. Today I am sixteen and still struggling wither I have a place in this world. I have been through a lot in my life and believe Anna's death was my entire fault. In addition, my cancer has affected me greatly, and everyday I'm constantly struggling with the pain and trying to keep myself alive. All this struggling has lead me to thinking that I don't know if it's even worth it to move forward. How do I deserve to be in this world and my sister does not? These questions haunt me every day, and my tears never stop flowing.

Family

My family is definitely not a strong family; we continuously go up against each other. We are always dealing with the hardships surrounding our family, and can never get past them. My mom’s name is Sara. She is strong, stubborn, intelligent, and her life centers on her efforts to keep me alive. She is mostly focused on saving my life, and tends to forget to show how much she loves Anna and Jesse until it's too late. My dad Brian is a firefighter. He usually avoids our family problems and doesn't want to work them out. My brother Jesse is the oldest between me and Anna. You can pretty much say that he is a messed up child. He has a tough exterior and always is fighting for attention by acting out. Lastly, my sister Anna is smart, funny, and observant. She's helped me stay alive for so many years because her genes match mine. Anna’s role in my survival has been a blessing, and i love her so much. She is the reason why I'm still alive and she would do anything for me.

One of my main influences.

One person who influenced me to keep going is Taylor Ambrose. I have to admit, I did love him. Taylor was also a fellow cancer patient and we fought to stay strong together. We truly bonded right away, and he had a major influence on my life. Taylor made me realize that at heart, I am a normal teenage girl. We did have a short relationship until something tragic happened, he passed away. Taylor’s sudden death taught me that my condition remains extremely fragile and that I could die with little warning. When Taylor died I felt as if I was broken, I didn't speak to anyone for almost eight days. I will always remember how he made me feel beautiful, and important.

The tragedy that changed my life.

My sister Anna was born to save my life. Anna went through several procedures, including frequent blood withdrawals and a painful bone marrow extraction, to help keep me alive. Anna then filed a law suit stating that she wanted to sue my parents for the right of her own body. The reason she filed the lawsuit because I told her to, my kidney was failing and I didn't want her to go through any surgeries. I knew that I was going to pass away sooner or later, and I was tired of being sick and waiting to die. Anna also admitted that while she loves me, part of her wanted me to die, too, so that she could have more freedom with her life. The judge decides to grant Anna medical release. As Campbell (Anna's lawyer) and Anna were leaving trial, they got into a serious car accident. At the hospital, the doctors tell the family that Anna has irreversible brain damage. Every time I hear this story, I cry, Anna's death was my fault and I wish I could bring her back.

Kidney Transplant

After Anna's tragic death, under her skin they stripped her of organs. Her kidney was donated to me. There should be a statute of limitation on grief. A rule book that says it is all right to wake up crying, but only for a month. For a long time, afterword, my father claimed to see Anna in the night sky. My mother believed that Anna would come back to her in signs: plants that bloomed too early, eggs with double yolks, salt that spilled in the shape of letters. And me, well, I began to hate myself. It was, of course, my entire fault. If Anna never filled the lawsuit, if she hadn't been at the courthouse signing papers with her attorney, she never would have been at that particular intersection at the particular moment. She would be here, and I would be that one coming back to haunt her. For a long time, I was sick. The transplant nearly failed, and then, I began the long step climb upward. As much as you want to hold on to the bitter sore memory that someone has left this world, you are still in it. When I start to feel this way I go into the bathroom and I lift up my shirt and touch the white lines of my scar. I remember how, at first, I thought the stitches seemed to spell out her name. I think about her kidney working inside me and her blood running through my veins. I take her with me, wherever I go.